I don't remember using the words "anxiety" or "depression" much when I was a teenager. I knew the words and what they meant, of course, but I didn't have reason to use them that often because these emotions were not often experienced and therefore did not need to be named or expressed. Sadness, yes. Frustration and overwhelm, yes. Nervousness and jealousy, yes. But these were isolated incidents resulting from specific events or relationships, not a chronic and unexplainable emotional state which shaped our days and overall outlook on life, which is how it seems to be with so many of today's youth. They just seem so fragile.
I've got a teenager at my house now, and thankfully she doesn't have much use for the words either. I asked her this week how she would rate her anxiety on a scale of 1 to 10. Her answer: "Mom, other than making sure the doors are locked and dead bolted at night before bed, I don't think I have any anxiety. Maybe a 1 or 2? And I know I'm not depressed." I would have to agree. She's neither anxious nor depressed. In fact, my husband will often tease her that she's "an emotional flatline," which isn't true of course, but makes for a funny family inside joke. She cries when she's sad (which is rare); she yells when she's angry (also rare but probably more frequent than sadness...she does have two annoying little brothers, ya know); she turns red and gets quiet when she's embarrassed; she laughs when she's happy, which thankfully is often and the majority of the time. In short, she responds appropriately with God-given emotion when the situation calls for it.
I don't think she's special in this regard. I just believe she's balanced and steady and well, and if memory serves me - I think this is how teens used to be, and could still be, if we adults lined up some foundational supports like we did in the old days. Here are some behaviors that are working well for us and for her:
Good sleep - For good or bad, she's stuck in a family that highly esteems solid shuteye and is incredibly consistent with early bedtimes and waking. She doesn't view sleep as wasted time, but as an incredibly essential ingredient of her physical and emotional health. After a few attempts at teenager sleepovers, she not only discovered that she really didn't enjoy staying up until the wee hours of the morning, she also realized sleepless nights trigger really awful migraines and a general feeling of BLAH that will haunt her for at least a few days. So now she will do a later night of fun on occasion, but almost never past 10PM. And while there is definitely a price to be paid in a social sense, this routine keeps her content and smiling. She's satisfied with the payoff and recognizes that her habits provide her with other more important blessings and freedoms.
Good food - As she's gotten older and wiser, she understands that too many poor food choices in a row leads her down a rotten path - usually illness of some kind that knocks her out longer than she's willing to suffer on the regular. I do my best to let her make these decisions on her own, and I allow her to face the reality of consequences as well. I'm glad to say she's learning that hard and sometimes unpopular choices make for an easier life in the long term, not to mention a stronger mind and brighter disposition.
Minimal Screen Time - We have a TV, but it's only on in the evening for a couple hours and is only good for family-approved DVDs and an occasional streamed movie. It is almost never on past 8:30 or 9PM. She has an old flip phone that comes in handy when she's at soccer practice or a babysitting job, but she has no social media apps and no handheld access to the internet. And she definitely is not sleeping with her phone beside her bed. You might wonder what she does in her free time? She reads. She organizes her room. She does school work. She interacts with her brothers and parents and friends and pets. She babysits and volunteers at church and at the local library. She plans, dreams, and creates. She lives her life instead of worrying about how others might be living (or pretending to be living) theirs. The major payoff? She isn't surrounded by distressing images, depressing stories, or fake highlight reels of people she doesn't even know all the live-long day. Such a simple gift!
Avoidance of Medications - Our whole family avoids medications as much as possible - to include prescription and OTC. We aren't yet where I would like to be, but we are at least making it known to our kids that we do not want to live our lives dependent on drugs, however benign or "necessary" they might seem. Specifically, we avoid antibiotics whenever it is safe to do so, as we know these medications don't just destroy the "bad guys," but all of the beneficial microbes in our system as well. And a decimated gut microbiome will almost certainly lead to a greater risk for mental and emotional challenges, because the gut and brain are directly connected via the vagus nerve. Garbage In = Garbage Out. She knows this and she believes it.
Knowing Jesus - More than anything, my daughter knows and loves Jesus. She knows His Word and rests in the knowledge that her life is valuable, precious, meaningful, and safe in His hands. What a joy and a peace this brings her! Even when life is hard, even when relationships disappoint, even when she's feeling hurt or lonely, she has confidence that God knows her and loves her and has an incredible plan for her life. And He is in control of all things. There isn't room for depression or anxiety when these truths form the firm foundation of everything she believes about herself and the world around her!
Maybe at some point in the future, we might find these habits and beliefs won't be enough to protect her from occasional bouts of depression and anxiety, and at that point, we will prayerfully pivot as needed. For now, though, I believe strongly that this routine is working well for us, and for her, and we will continue to pray that God gives her a spirit of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)
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