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5 Things I'm Doing to Help My Son

Writer's picture: Amy TaftAmy Taft

My son had a very rough go of it his first few years of life. My goal during the earliest days was to do everything possible to relieve his physical pain - pain that casual onlookers couldn't really see or appreciate, but that I as his mom recognized all too well. Protecting and nurturing our children is simply what moms are created for - at least, it should be, and I did everything the specialists told me to do, and more. My pursuit to help him survive and then thrive is how I ended up on this crazy journey, trying to understand and implement solid nutrition practices and lifestyle wellness. He is my WHY.


As he got older and we addressed his medical needs to the greatest degree possible at the time, my goals for him changed. I wanted to be sure he was given every opportunity to master talking and walking - two fundamental skills we were never guaranteed when he was a baby. He's come so far and endured so much therapy, so many blood draws, and far more than his fair share of evaluations. And through it all, he's continued to remind us not to underestimate his potential. He's on his own timeline and just happy to be here, day by day.


And now, more than a decade later, I am taking a different approach. Now rested, calm, and clear-minded, I'm not so consumed with helping him function at a basic level every day, but instead am looking forward to the time when he will be grown and, God willing, independent. But in order to move him forward, I'm actually taking a look backward - back to where it all began, to see if I can begin to put some pieces together and construct some explanation for why he has been on this path, and for so long. And perhaps, while I'm there, I will discover the answers I've been looking for all this time, as well as the ones I don't even know to ask about yet.


Along the way, here are 5 practices I'm developing:


Seek alternative therapies and second opinions. I won't bother to list all the professionals I've spoken to over the years, but suffice to say it has been worth my while to seek guidance from those outside of the conventional medical system. I realized early on that allopathic doctors offered two primary interventions: medication and surgery, neither of which were going to help my son. So since then I've sought help from chiropractors, TCM doctors, functional doctors, naturopaths, and fellow nutritional therapists like me. I've learned that no single person, even the practitioner I most love and respect, has all the answers. So I glean what I can from each person, expecting they will have something valuable to offer - however small, feeling thankful for what they know and the ways in which they take my son to a new level, but never elevating that professional to a god-like status. These are just humans, doing the best they can with the finite knowledge and experience they have. I'm made peace with the reality that I will spend years talking to different people with different areas of expertise to gain the understanding I'm seeking, bit by bit. I guess that's how faith works, right? Just enough light for the very next step.


Ask the hard questions, even if it hurts. For me, this meant requesting all of his medical records since delivery and revisiting the diagnoses, labs, and treatments given by the medical staff, as well as the decisions my husband and I made before, during, and after his birth. Some decisions were intentional; some weren't given much thought at all. Hindsight is 20/20, and certainly there are choices I would like to go back in time and do differently, now that I know so much more. Which brings me to the next one...


Forgive yourself for not knowing then what you know now. While I wish I would have done a better job nourishing my body and mind during my pregnancy, skipped every.single.one of the "high risk pregnancy" appointments, pursued an at-home birth, avoided the entire laundry list of childhood vaccinations, and passed on the OTC medications that were recommended over a span of years, I know I was only doing the best I could with the understanding I had at the time. Naively, I thought doctors always knew what was best, and I was afraid that not following all of their recommendations might put my child at risk. How wrong I was! Now I know to trust my own intuition and seek wisdom from God and not from Man. And I look forward to the day when I see how all of this will be redeemed for my good and his good.


Check my motivations. When you have a child with special needs, it can be easy to confuse what's in their best interest with how you think things should be, and how your child should be. To keep my motivations in check, I remind myself often that my ultimate goal is to help him reach his full God-given potential, not to make him look and act like all of his same-age peers. He is unique and special and perfect, and I am confident of God's good plan for him.


Celebrate all the little wins and don't give up! The journey is much easier now that he's older and able to communicate and reason with us, but that doesn't mean we aren't confronting challenges and concerns still. So we make time to highlight the gains, even while addressing the next hurdle on the path. We keep asking good questions. We continue entertaining new healing modalities. And we keep praying for God's direction and wisdom in caring for this absolute blessing and teacher, who is our son.


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